I cannot believe how much has changed since experiencing my nervous break-down. Only three weeks ago, I was so ill and overwhelmed that I didn't know how I could possibly ever get my life back in track. I was working full time as the breadwinner, feeling completely ovestretched, going backwards financially, disconnecting from love, experiencing the greatest amount of anxiety and panic attacks I've ever endured. I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Three weeks on and today, I had my first completely optimistic day, knowing it was the first day of the next three months I'd be dedicating fully to my health and healing. I've finally made my needs a 100% priority in my Life and the personal permission I'm experiencing feels wonderful.
One of the things I thought would be the most challenging, was how I could get time to heal when I'm a Mother of a young child. It turns out, it's all about communicating, prioritising and claiming the time I need.
I was nervous about voicing to my Husband my deep desire to take a few months off working, to make my healing a priority. I have pushed myself for so long and after breaking down, I now know there is no other option than to commit to regaining my health and learning a whole new set of coping skills for my Life. Gratefully, he completely supports my decision and we've decided now that he's working again, I will take a couple of free-days off a week while my little boy starts kindergarten. In the coming weeks, I will also be commencing a wonderful recovery program to acquire positive skills for dealing with long-term anxiety.
It's finally my time and my heart sings with relief and optimism.
Recently, a lovely, generous local photographer donated a car full of canvasses to me and today I unwrapped a handful to create some new backgrounds. I set up paints and easels in the backyard for my son and I to paint outside together and we just played.
Warming up in the sun, spending time with my boy, playing with colour, hearing the birds and feeling free inside, I let myself just Be.
Life took care of itself as I took care of me, and I'm feeling so grateful to be alive and getting another chance at Living.